The so-called high emotional intelligence is to know how to speak well

The so-called high emotional intelligence is to know how to speak well. After
　　watching "Wonderful Flowers", I think Cai Kangyong is simply amazing.
　　No matter how unscrupulous the topic of the debate, he can speak with dignity.
　　No matter how shitty the other party is, he can deftly come back and return to literature, art and elegance.
　　His words are always soft, his gestures are always light, and he always looks like a fool.
　　If only I were as high in EQ as he was and could speak so well.
　　When I talk to my friends about this, they all say that you are very good at talking yourself. You have a rare genuine temperament and high emotional intelligence.
　　Do not. Yes. Bar.
　　I'm swearing all day long, and I'm worthy of it?
　　But they actually listed a lot of evidence that I can speak.
　　I can't accept it.
　　I'm such a dick.
　　The so-called high EQ really means knowing how to speak well. How to say it?
　　1. Change everything you said "wrong" to "yes". I have a friend who likes to say "no" the most. No matter what others say, he first says "no", "no", "no", but his next words are not to overthrow others, just to supplement. He was just used to saying "no" and everyone hated him. Who likes to be denied? I interviewed a very knowledgeable professor, and I found that he has a wonderful little habit. No matter how stupid the other person says, he will definitely say "yes" sincerely and point out you seriously. The point that this statement can be established, and then expand it to express his views. He is such an awesome person, he must be a fool for you, and you must be flattered. And he raised your opinion to such a high level, you find yourself and him are amazing. Since then, I have learned this point. First affirm the other party, and then express my own opinions. The communication atmosphere will be much better.
　　2. When saying "thank you", you can add "you", or add the other person's name. What is the difference between "thank you" and "thank you"? "Thank you" refers to a general term, while "thank you" refers to a specific one. For strangers, you say "thank you", and for people you know, adding the other person's name will be a lot more friendly. a lot of. a lot of.
　　3. When asking for help from others, add "How are you" at the end of the sentence. Don't speak in a commanding tone. Adding the word "okay" will turn it into a negotiating tone, and the other party will feel more respected. A friend is the president of a listed company. Every time he asks me to do something, he will add "Is it okay?" "Is it convenient for you?" , it seems that you are more educated.
　　4. When chatting, use less "I" and say "you" more. Cai Kangyong said that when chatting, everyone is me. Everyone just wants to talk about themselves. You talk about your own experience, or your opinion on something, and then add "what about you" and "what do you think", throw the topic to the other party, and let the other party have space and power to express, you will become a lot more lovely .
　　5. Use "we" and "we" more, you can quickly close the relationship. For example, to meet someone you just met, instead of asking "where will we meet tomorrow", "where will we meet tomorrow" is just a small change, and it looks more cordial, right?
　　6. When complimenting others, don't be too general, but be specific and specific. "You are so beautiful", "You are so smart", and "You are so awesome" are ordinary compliments, but more advanced compliments are to find out how beautiful, smart, and awesome the other person is. For example, I know a girl who has a very good figure, but she is tired of hearing people compliment her on her good figure. Someone praised her that "Chinese girls' waist-to-hip ratio is not very good, only you are an exception." She was the most impressed, and then She is married to each other. And people often compliment me, Mi Meng, your writing is so good, your writing is so good, to be honest, I will take it as a courtesy, but if the other party says which of my articles is particularly well written, and which paragraphs he particularly likes , I will be particularly moved, it turns out that he really likes my words.
　　7. Praise the little-known virtues of others, praise the parts that he expects to be praised. Beautiful people want you to praise him for his connotation, entrepreneurs want you to praise him for his humanistic feelings, and talented women want you to praise her for her beauty. Damn, I can't help being mean again, what about high EQ? But if he is really superficial, really a profiteer, really ugly, and he can't boast about his conscience, that's not a high EQ , that is hypocrisy.
　　8. Compliment others in a playful way. To be honest, sometimes I find straightforward compliments to be nauseous, so it’s better to compliment in a funny way. For example, if you want to praise a person for being very good, you can say, "If your legs are shorter and your waist is thicker, you will die. I hate it. Stay away from me." For example, if you want to praise a beautiful woman for being very talented, you can say, "According to international practice, beautiful people are all idiots. You are so good-looking and so smart. This is a foul, no, this is a crime!"
　　9. Say bad things about the other person face to face, Say good things about him behind his back. High emotional intelligence does not mean not complaining. Friends can't complain about each other, so what's the point? However, please complain about each other face to face, and say good things about him behind his back! A former colleague of mine, a beautiful woman, I thought she was very cold before, once I accidentally Hearing someone speak ill of me and she defended me, I was so moved. Immediately, his affection for her doubled.
　　10. You can laugh at your friend, but not what he likes, especially not his idol. If you have a star chasing friend, you must remember this one. You can say that she is crazy about chasing stars, but you can never say that she is crazy about chasing stars. The two girls next to me are good best friends who have known each other for more than ten years, and they say that each other is as important as family. One of them is Wu Yanzu's brain-damaged fan, and the other accidentally said "Wu Yanzu is really old, his face is full of wrinkles", and the friendship ended on the spot. In the same way, when you want to be friends with a star chasing person and praise her idol, you should not only praise her idol for being handsome, but also praise her good character, good fans, good acting skills, and talent, this is the fastest way to establish way of friendship.
　　11. When you meet for the first time, you must try to remember other people's names. Many years ago, when I first joined a newspaper office, I was a thoroughly diaosi reporter. I interviewed Liang Wendao once, and he asked my name. After more than a year, the second time we met, he called my name as soon as he came, which was so touching. Many people say that I just can't remember other people's names. In fact, it's not that you can't remember, you just think this matter is not that important. If you really realize it's important enough, you can definitely remember it.
　　12. No matter how intense the tearing is, no matter how angry you are, you can't say anything that really hurts the other party's self-esteem. Yes, it is easy to be angry when arguing, but one of the signs of high emotional intelligence is not to be angry. The more familiar people are, the more they know the other person's dead spot, so the angry words they say are not only destructive, but also destructive. Don't recklessly hurt him just because you know him well.
　　13. The true nature is to let you tell the truth, not to make you say ugly things. You can complain about your friend being fat, but you can't say she's "fat as a pig". Ridiculous and insulting are two different things. Humor and lip service are two different things. Straightforwardness and seriousness are two different things.
　　14. See through, but not through, leave a little room for others. If you find that the other person said something wrong or lied, don't expose it in person. Others carry fake bags to show off, there is no need to break them face to face. In fact, buying a fake bag is already very bitter, and it is even more bitter to buy a fake bag and show it off as a real one. When a person is not strong enough, she tries to use a famous brand to prove herself. When she becomes stronger and more confident, she will understand.
　　15. In social situations, consider the feelings of the minority. If there are 10 people in a party, even if 9 of you are fellow villagers, you'd better not speak your dialect, especially if others don't understand your dialect, the other person will be very embarrassed. If you have 10 people, even if 9 of them are colleagues or classmates, and the other is not, don't just talk about your company or your class, the other person will be very lonely. Take care of the minority and talk about topics he can also participate in so he doesn't get isolated.
　　16. If you must show off, please add your embarrassment to neutralize it. This article is specifically mentioned in "The Unspoken Rules of English Words and Actions". If you want to show off your success, you must attach your embarrassment to resolve the embarrassment your success brings to others and prevent jealousy. If you have to say "I bought a bag worth 30,000 yuan", please add "I just went out, and a friend asked me that this copycat bag looks like it. It's a product, I need one or two thousand yuan"; If you have to say "My family bought a big villa", please add "I waxed the stairs, I fell and ate shit when I moved in"...
　　17. Replace "Do you understand what I mean" "Did I make it clear?" "Do you understand what I mean?" "Do you understand what I said?" It seems normal, but it is not appropriate, because it will have a hint: Do you understand, idiot? You can get it My point? If I replace it with "Did I make it clear", it's not an accusation, but a self-blame. It means, if I didn't make it clear, I can repeat it again, isn't it more polite?
　　18. It will be more pleasing to say the little wretchedness in your heart. I don't think people with high emotional intelligence are the Holy Mother and the Father, and they must be selfless. But if you are selfish, speak up. If there are two apples, one small and one large. If you want to eat the big one, there are two ways. Give the small one directly to others and keep the big one for yourself, and the other party will think you are really selfish; Give it?", you are also selfish, but you are selfish and cute.
　　19. Laugh at yourself in a funny way and become your own high-end black. When I was in college, a roommate said that she hated me a lot of the time, but there was one thing about me that she found very cute, that is, I like to laugh at myself. Every time I laugh at myself, she likes me again. Self-blackness requires inner strength, thick skin, and a sense of humor. Every time I tell my embarrassing things into jokes, I live myself as a joke. How badly Yang Mi was hacked before, when she started to hack herself, how many people turned her into fans.
　　20. One of the ways to comfort others is to talk about your misery and let them heal. When others are sad, the only cure is to know that you are not the worst. For example, a fan told me that her boyfriend cheated on me. The key is that when she knew about it, he had cheated for two years. Everyone around knew about it, but she didn't. She thought about suicide... I replied, my ex My boyfriend cheated on me for five years, how did I know? His cheating partner had been living with him for more than a year, and he came to me. I was stunned, so I went to question my ex-boyfriend. He didn’t do anything about it. He told me directly that he started cheating on me not long after we were in a relationship. We have been in a long-distance relationship for five years, and he cheated for five years. You know, I've always thought he was kind to me like a fool. Fans are in a better mood when they hear it.
　　21. Don't talk endlessly about your pain, pain is not connected. A person with high emotional intelligence will try to understand and appreciate the pain of others to the greatest extent possible, he will have empathy, and at the same time, he will not ask others to do the same. Therefore, he won't talk endlessly when he encounters problems, and he won't transmit negative energy to others.
　　22. Don't say "I told you so" "I knew it would happen". We have reminded each other of many things, but the other party will still do it. When frustrated, at a loss, and deceived, we can’t help but say, “I said it a long time ago”... One
　　year during the Spring Festival, I had to go to Macau with my family, Luo My classmate said that there were a lot of people, but I didn’t listen. There were indeed a lot of people. We waited in line for more than 5 hours. I had to get the pass by myself. He said that it was easy for me to get lost. Lost the pass, so we couldn't find a place to stay, sat at McDonald's for one night...every decision I made that time was wrong and led to the worst, but he didn't say "I I said it long ago," but accompany me to solve the problem. I'm very, very grateful to him for that. From now on, I never say that again.
　　23. When chatting, if the other party is interrupted, ask: What did you say just now? Sometimes we even interrupt the other party accidentally. While apologizing, remember to remind the other party that what you mentioned just now is… …Let the other person feel that what he says is respected.
　　24. Don't want to win every conversation. You win the truth, but you may lose the relationship. Especially to your family, to your good friends, you shouldn't be so aggressive, okay? I often see some people arguing over whether the boiled eggs are delicious or the tea eggs are delicious. Is it necessary?
　　25. If you talk about food, you must remember what the other person likes to eat. As a foodie, I'm naturally sensitive to things related to food, and at the same time, I'll be very careful about who likes what, so that next time you eat together, you can order what the other person likes. Many beautiful interpersonal relationships come from such small details.
　　26. When sharing glory, mention others. I remember someone praising Hu Ge, saying that he sincerely told the crew that everyone endured hardship together during filming, but often only the actors were praised, and he felt very guilty. This is the performance of high emotional intelligence ah. In life, you have been praised, you have gained benefits, and you have to share your experience. Don't forget to mention people who are helpful in this matter.
　　27. When taking responsibility, mention yourself. I hate people who shirk their responsibilities the most, so much so that I have developed a habit of looking for my own problems and self-examination first in everything. So anything goes wrong, my first thought is to admit my mistake.
　　28. Don't get mad, Hu Shi said, anger is a kind of disillusionment. Hu Shi is a representative of high emotional intelligence, and almost no one has seen him angry. Learn to manage your emotions, take a deep breath for 10 seconds when you are angry, give yourself a buffer, and
　　think, "Is this serious enough to be solved only by going crazy?" Is there a better way to deal with it?
　　29. Refuse others, you can Blame yourself first. For example, when many people ask me for drafts, I will say, "I have a very bad character. I am a super procrastinator. I often put pigeons. The most responsible way for me is to not accept this draft. Really, please forgive me." . Others had to say "Okay, then there is a chance to cooperate again".
　　30. When seeking cooperation, don't always say what you want, but say what you can give the other person. People often come to me, Mi Meng, I want to cooperate with you on a project, and then he will start talking about what he needs, what effect he wants to achieve, and if I participate, his goal or wish will be achieved. He forgot one thing, you are neither my father nor my mother, why should I come to fulfill your dream? When applying for a job, many people always say, how much I need this job, what you should say is, you What can you bring to this company and this position, and give the other party a reason to choose you.
　　31. Be respectful and patient even with the most familiar and kind person. Many people are polite to strangers, but extremely impatient with family, partners, or close friends, often turning their faces away. Because relying on the other party will not be angry. Why not leave your tenderness and thoughtfulness, your happiness and beauty to those who love you the most?
　　Many people say that they do not like people with high emotional intelligence, they are hypocritical.
　　But I think the real high emotional intelligence is not hypocrisy, but warmth.
　　The 31 skills above, in essence, are to let us respect other people's opinions, look for their advantages, understand their needs, and put others at heart.
　　Think about the people around you who have the highest emotional intelligence. Instead, they are generous and sincere.
　　They genuinely love the world, genuinely appreciate other human beings, and genuinely discover the beauty of everything.
　　They know compassion, understanding, and empathy.
　　If we say that the essence of morality is to have others in mind.
　　The essence of high emotional intelligence is also the same, that there are others in your heart.
　　Some people say that what's so great about people with high emotional intelligence?
　　I don't think so.
　　Emotional intelligence is also part of hard power.
　　There is a saying: IQ determines your lower limit, emotional intelligence determines your upper limit.
　　How comfortable you speak can determine how high you can reach.
　　Even if it is not for ambition, not for success, and high emotional intelligence, it can make you feel happy and happy, and make the people around you feel happy and happy, why not do it?