Avoid other people's "minefields" when talking
In China, there is a so-called "reverse scale" theory, and the dragon should not be taken lightly. There is a "reverse scale" about a foot in diameter under the dragon's throat. The scales in this part grow in the opposite direction. If you accidentally touch the "reverse scale". The consequences will be unimaginable. It doesn't matter how you touch or tap the other parts, only this inverse scale can't be approached no matter what, even if you touch it lightly, it will cause a big problem.
We can know from this that everyone has "reverse scales", and as long as we don't touch each other's "reverse scales", we will not cause trouble. The so-called "reverse scales" are what we call "pain points", that is, shortcomings and inferiority complexes. Before dating, you should find out where the other person's "reverse scales" are to avoid offending.
There are all kinds of strange personality types in the world. When we say left, he says right, and when we say right, he tends to say left. There are many people who always disagree with others. Even if it's not so extreme, there are people who always stand their ground. Or they clearly know that their opinions are minority opinions, but they are still stubborn. Some people stubbornly believe that only their own practices and ideas are the most correct in the world. Of course, there are also those who hide their hearts and try to test the other party's mind, and who do not hesitate to make promises, flatter, and cater to the other party's tone.
Touching a person's sore spot will undoubtedly reveal a person's scar, and the result is of course "both losers". Offending others will not benefit you.
People who can speak will avoid this "minefield", and only those who are inflexible will step into this place where they may destroy themselves.
Empathy, heart-to-heart
Actively adjusting your attitude and behavior is one of the most effective ways to achieve your goals. We can call this method a heart-to-heart.
We often ignore this point of view in our daily life. In fact, as long as we use it in our daily life, our friends and the way we handle things will be much gentler.
Xiao Lu, an educated youth who went to the countryside, and Xiao Li, a farmer, met and got married, and gave birth to a daughter. Later, Xiaolu met her former lover and wanted to get back together again, but she was undecided, so she asked her grandmother for help.
"Grandma knows everything about you, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know, I...have no idea..."
Grandma said, "Grandma knows that you are wronged. Who can live without being wronged. I was 24 years old when I was 24 years old. In 2009, your grandfather died, and everyone in the family and the village advised me to find another master. Your grandfather Zeng told me: 'Daughter, the days are still long, let's look forward.' I don't want to find a queen for my child Dad, I gritted my teeth and survived. One by one, my sons grew up, joined the army, and sacrificed one by one, but I never shed a single tear in front of others. People live to suffer and suffer for the sake of others. There is so much happiness? Let’s grieve yourself first!”
“How should I go on the road after that?”
“Being a human being, half of the time is to think about yourself, and the other half of the time is for others. You and that young man are a good match. , but even if the two of you are successful and your life is very comfortable, can you guarantee that you don't want Xiao Li and her daughter? At that time, although you were eating honey, you forgot that other people were drinking bitter water. You are sweet in your mouth , Crying in my heart, and sweet crying together is the knot of my life. I am 80 years old this year, and I have experienced all kinds of hardships, but I have never done a bad thing. As the saying goes, the word 'person' is easy to write It's really hard to do it!" Grandma's words were touching.
"Grandma, I understand," Xiaolu said, wiping her tears, "I will go home today and live with Xiaoli's father and daughter in peace."
Grandma's persuasion is sincere, and she uses plain language to analyze the situation from Xiaolu's point of view, so that her granddaughter makes the right choice.
Using language to make assumptions can achieve the purpose of comparing one's heart with one's heart; using practical actions to put oneself in the shoes of others to experience the psychology of others, thereby adjusting one's own words and deeds, can also achieve the purpose of comparing one's heart with one's heart.
A store has a salesperson who is very good at doing business, and the turnover is always higher than the average level of the general salesperson. Someone asked him, "Does business thrive because I can speak well?" He replied, "No, my secret is to think of the customer as me." Now, it eliminates the customer's vigilance and precautionary psychology, and makes the customer have a consistent sense of identity, so it persuades the customer and makes a business.
Heart-to-heart technique refers to thinking and planning for the other party, and understanding the other party's psychology, needs and difficulties. Therefore, this persuasion method is easy for the other party to accept and reach a consensus with.
Always think from someone else's point of view, and see the trend of things from the other person's point of view. If you understand this truth, it will become a key to your career success in life.
To persuade the other party to agree with your point of view, you must stand in the perspective of the object of persuasion. The more harmonious the relationship between the two, the easier it is to succeed in persuasion. This is based on the common human nature, which is to like to listen to what "our own people" have to say. Haas, a psychologist at the City University of New York, also said: "A brewing expert can explain to you why one brand of beer is better than another. But if your friend - maybe he doesn't understand beer - Teach you to buy a certain beer, and you are likely to listen to him."
Here, specific actions and even some subtle aspects, such as emotional closeness and identification with your audience, will often make you emotionally resonate with your audience. Once this emotional resonance is established , there is no need for any bitter exhortation and persuasion.