Turn: Control emotions, self-regulate

Personal understanding:
See the problem, figure out what went wrong, and deal with it actively. Listen
carefully to your emotions and gain insight into your inner thoughts.
No emotion is "wrong" and all emotions are worth feeling.
A small amount of negative emotions is not. It's not scary, what's scary is that they keep accumulating, and eventually reach a critical point that is difficult to deal with. It is
difficult for a person to determine the exact cause of their emotional drowning; to find out the reasons behind those lingering emotions; to capture something that triggers you. Emotionally confusing thoughts; finding the cause of negative emotions
Emotion regulation: the skill of identifying and managing one's emotions in a helpful way, monitoring, enhancing, alleviating or adjusting, how to cope with one's negative emotions in a helpful way, calming down
, Constructively express your negative emotions in the right way at the right time.
Label your emotions to awaken your emotional arousal management function.

Master your emotions – Self-regulation is the first step to leadership

Master your emotions – Self-regulation is the first step to leadership

Some people don't want to have negative emotions at all, and sometimes you want to be happy all the time, right? Yet no emotion is “wrong.” Our emotions are alarms. Negative emotions don’t appear out of nowhere; their main function is to make you see the problem so you can respond positively to it. If the alarm goes off frequently, that means something is wrong somewhere. As the owner of the "house," it's your job to figure out what's wrong, why the alarm system was triggered, and then make the necessary changes.

Emotions are useful signals that tell you what is good and what is dangerous. If you are experiencing some kind of threat, fear will remind you to run away immediately and protect yourself; if there is no fear, you will not feel the danger, so your life will continue to be threatened by various threats. It can be seen that if you ignore your emotions, you will block the important information sent to you by your brain; if you can listen carefully to your emotions, you will be able to obtain valuable information, know what is happening, and you will gain insight. Your inner thoughts, understanding what you need, what troubles you, and how you are affected by the environment and your own thoughts and actions. Understanding this can help you become more connected to yourself, make smarter choices, and ultimately feel better about yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions: Emotional Overwhelm
Some people don’t want to have negative emotions at all. Sometimes you also want to be happy all the time, right? However, I need to remind you that having negative emotions is not a bad thing. No emotion is “wrong,” and all emotions—positive or negative—are worth feeling. But if you're experiencing what's called "emotional flooding," that's a problem. Emotional overwhelm refers to an emotional state of being overwhelmed by passion. You are already in this state when you find that your emotions are so intense that you cannot cope with them. Emotional flooding means more than just feeling bad or stressed out. By definition, being submerged means being swallowed up or overpowered by something, so being emotionally submerged means that you are completely engulfed by rough and unruly emotions, as if a 6-meter-high wave is crashing into you. It's a terrible experience. The moment the waves engulf you, you will feel trapped, helpless, not knowing how to get out, unable to escape. Often, we are most easily overwhelmed by negative emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, or shame. You're probably familiar with the term "grief," the emotion a person may experience when they lose a loved one. However, it is also possible for a person to be overwhelmed by positive emotions such as joy, common examples being ecstasy and jubilation. A small amount of negative emotions is actually not terrible. What is terrible is that they continue to accumulate and eventually reach a critical point that is difficult for us to deal with. Have you ever experienced a complete loss of emotions? For example, have you ever lost your temper and said something you later regretted? Are you feeling numb to the problems that arise in your life? Have you missed important opportunities because of fear? Have you ever felt sad or even depressed? If your answer is yes, you are like many people. Everyone’s experience of emotional drowning may be different. It varies from person to person and from mood to mood, but some common symptoms of people suffering from emotional drowning are: ● Increased
negative emotions (such as anxiety, irritability, guilt) ,sad).
● Overreacting to seemingly insignificant situations (such as scolding or getting angry at people for no apparent reason).
● Feeling unwell (e.g., increased blood pressure, shortness of breath, sweating, headache, decreased immunity, insomnia, fatigue).
● Do things too hard, regardless of the cost.
What causes emotional drowning? Typically, emotional flooding is caused by an intense stressor. A person can become overwhelmed if they encounter a stressor in their life that they find difficult to cope with, such as being in a car accident or losing a loved one. In addition, a series of challenges or problems that arise simultaneously or in quick succession may also lead to emotional overwhelm, such as stress at work and relationship problems. Therefore, it can be difficult for a person to identify the exact cause of their emotional flooding. It’s important to note that the experience of stress will vary from person to person. That is, something that may cause stress to one person may not be a problem to another person and can be easily dealt with. Here are some common triggers of emotional drowning:
● Relationship problems (e.g., fights, divorce proceedings)
● Stress at work (e.g., working too long hours)
● Personal financial crisis or poverty
● Malnutrition
● Insomnia
● Physical illness or mental illness
● Traumatic personal experiences (e.g. car accidents, abuse)
● The death of a loved
one ● Caregiving for the elderly and sick
● Raising children
Needless to say, emotional overwhelm can take a very serious toll on us. When you are affected by it, you will find it difficult to maintain a positive attitude and make good decisions, which naturally affects your personal and professional life. If left unchecked, emotional flooding can completely destroy you and seriously threaten your physical and mental health.

Training Goal: Develop Self-Regulation Skills
We all struggle with our emotions in life. If negative emotions get out of hand, we may make gaffes, lose our temper, and later regret what we said or did impulsively. Of course, this doesn’t mean that positive emotions are good and negative emotions are bad, because some positive emotions—such as excessive excitement—can cause a lot of trouble in inappropriate situations. For another example, when we are overly optimistic about the future, we may be overconfident and ultimately misjudge risks and make wrong decisions. Therefore, we do not want to expel all negative emotions and only cultivate positive emotions. This will only be counterproductive. A more reasonable method is to cultivate emotional self-regulation skills. Emotion regulation (or emotional self-regulation) is a term that generally refers to the skill of identifying and managing one's emotions in helpful ways. People with good emotion regulation skills can control the type, intensity, timing, and expression of their emotions. More precisely, good emotion regulation skills require you to monitor, enhance, moderate, or adjust your emotions according to situational needs or goals. Down-regulation refers to reducing the intensity of emotions. For example, anxious people can use breathing exercises to reduce anxiety, and angry people may distract themselves by running; while emotional up-regulation means Intentionally increase the intensity of the emotion, for example if the team you support wins a championship, you might decide to celebrate with other fans in order to enhance your own feelings of joy. Note that emotion regulation does not mean that you will never have negative emotions, it just means that you know how to deal with your negative emotions in a helpful way. Simply put, you have the tools to calm down and know how to constructively express your negative emotions in the right way at the right time.

// Exercise #1: Label Emotions
Have you ever said the words "I'm sad," "I'm scared," or "I'm angry" out loud? If so, well done! In fact, many people find it difficult to accurately express their emotions, let alone face their negative emotions. Instead, many people understandably try to hide their negative emotions because no one wants to feel bad. However, if we want to develop the ability to self-regulate our emotions, it’s best not to hide our emotions. We need to learn to label negative emotions when they occur, that is, to name them. This is the most basic emotion regulation skill. Ask yourself some screening questions whenever you're having a bad day. How do I feel now? Am I sad? Am I disappointed? Am I angry? Then label the emotion you were feeling. For example, you could respond with "angry," "I feel angry," or "I feel sad." As a psychologist, I often ask people, "How do you feel?" or "How does this make you feel?" This is probably the most common question asked by psychotherapists and the most hated question by most clients. The annoying thing about this question is that labeling emotions isn't as easy as it sounds. Although emotions play an important role in our lives, most people don't think about their emotions often, which is why many people can't distinguish between their different emotional states. They simply don't have the ability to do so. When asked how they feel, people often respond with "I don't know," or very general statements like "great," "fine," "ok," "bad," or "okay," but cannot be specific about how they actually feel. to the emotion. I know people who only use the words "good" and "bad" to describe their emotional lives. I'm wondering if you keep track of your moods during the day. Let’s do a little experiment: How do you feel right now? Think about it carefully, can you accurately name the dominant emotion at the moment? Maybe you are feeling more than just this emotion right now? I can take this experiment one step further and ask you to think back to an emotion you had two hours ago or even yesterday. I know you may feel many different emotions throughout the day, can you name at least one of them? Again, labeling emotions is not a simple task. Many researchers disagree on how many basic emotions people have. Famous American psychologist Paul Ekman identified six basic emotions, namely happiness, anger, sadness, disgust, fear and surprise. However, researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, have proven that humans actually have 27 different emotions. No matter how many emotions we have, it is really difficult to identify all the gradients and boundaries between different emotions, which is why researchers are still working hard to show the full picture of our emotions. Although some controversy remains, researchers have generally agreed that there are at least five basic emotions: happiness, anger, disgust, sadness, and fear. They can serve as a starting point for our discussions and research. Additionally, you can expand your emotional awareness by becoming aware of other emotions. Here are some of the most common emotional states.

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Are these emotions familiar to you? Do you know the difference between embarrassment and shame? Do you know the difference between jealousy and envy? When was the last time you felt joy? Which of these are emotions that you have never felt at all or rarely felt? I admit that these questions are not very flattering, because I think so too, but if you think about it, you might learn a little more about your emotional life. It's also worth noting that some people believe they can only feel one emotion at a time. But in fact, we can feel multiple emotions at the same time. For example, while waiting for the results of a job interview, you may feel anxious, impatient, and excited all at the same time. Additionally, we can feel both positive and negative emotions at the same time, such as thinking about our loved ones who have passed away and feeling both grieved by their loss and grateful for their presence in our lives. So why do we label emotions? First, and most importantly, this exercise reduces the intensity of your emotions, which means that the emotion you feel is weakened when you name it  — both positive and negative emotions. This phenomenon essentially depends on the functioning of our brains. When a person feels a strong emotion, the area of ​​the brain responsible for the emotion is activated and begins to take control (the limbic system). But if you label the emotions you feel, you activate the area of ​​the brain responsible for the rational system (the prefrontal cortex), which reduces the arousal level of the brain area responsible for the emotion. The prefrontal cortex helps you think, find solutions, and solve problems, so when you say the words "I feel angry" or just "angry," the prefrontal cortex goes to work and turns that emotion into a The object of your inspection. Additionally, this exercise will help you establish some psychological distance from your own emotions. When you accurately name an emotion, your brain reminds you that you are not identical with your emotion. Yes, you may be angry right now, but this emotion is temporary. On the one hand, you are actually feeling the emotion, but on the other hand, you have detached yourself from getting caught up in the emotional storm. If you're not used to paying attention to your emotions and find this exercise a bit difficult to get started, don't worry. Because this is a skill, you can gradually improve with practice.

// Exercise #2: Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises are one of the most overlooked aspects of self-care, but they are one of the most powerful tools. It relieves stress, reduces anger and anxiety, and boosts your energy levels. Let’s start with the basics. Research shows that emotions are closely linked to breathing. On the one hand, emotions trigger different breathing patterns. For example, we hold our breath when we are fearful and breathe a sigh of relief when we are relieved. When we are nervous, our breathing becomes faster, shallower, and more irregular, and when we are calm, our breathing becomes faster, shallower, and more irregular. Or your breathing may become slower, deeper, and longer when you relax. On the other hand, the relationship between emotions and breathing is not one-sided. Just as emotions can trigger different breathing patterns, breathing can also affect or even change people's emotions . Normally we rarely notice our breathing. Breathing is one of the few bodily processes that is both automatic and unconscious and can be controlled consciously. Normally, breathing is an unconscious process that goes on without you consciously thinking about it, even while you sleep. However, we can also consciously control our breathing, such as making our breath longer or shorter, holding our breath, etc. This behavior is called breath control. We have many breathing control techniques, and we can choose the appropriate technique according to our own purposes. Here we'll learn about what's called diaphragmatic breathing , sometimes called deep breathing, which is one of the most basic and effective techniques for controlling stress levels.Let me first explain what diaphragmatic breathing is. There are two common types of breathing: chest breathing and diaphragmatic breathing. Chest breathing is characterized by using the upper chest muscles to breathe, and the breathing is shallow and fast. This type of breathing reduces oxygen uptake, making breathing short and making people alert. It often occurs after people exercise or when facing an emergency. But many people have developed the habit of breathing from the chest most of the time, which is incorrect as this type of breathing puts the body in a state of stress. Diaphragmatic breathing (also called abdominal breathing) is a type of breathing that uses the diaphragm to take deep breaths. The diaphragm is the muscle at the bottom of the chest that works primarily when we inhale. When you inhale, the diaphragm contracts and moves downward, causing your abdomen to bulge. This creates extra space in your chest, allowing the lungs to expand and fill with air, so diaphragmatic breathing helps Air is fully drawn into the lungs. This type of breathing occurs most often after you fall asleep or when you are relaxing, and is the most natural way for babies and children to breathe. Let’s go back to stress management mentioned earlier. Diaphragmatic breathing is one of the simplest relaxation methods. It can lower blood pressure, slow down the heart rate, relax muscles, calm the mind, and make you feel calmer and more relaxed. You can simply check with your hands to see if you are breathing diaphragmatically. Start by placing your right hand on your belly and your left hand on your chest, paying attention to which hand moves as you breathe. With diaphragmatic breathing, most of the movement should occur in the abdomen, so you should feel your right hand on your abdomen moving outward when you inhale, and inward when you exhale. Your left hand on your chest should remain still. Or only move slightly. The great thing about this exercise is that you can do it anytime, anywhere. Breathing is with us throughout the day, so you can practice breathing exercises at any time of the day when you are feeling nervous, such as at work, driving, preparing for an interview, or after an argument with a loved one. All we need to do in these moments is practice diaphragmatic breathing for a few minutes and the tension will ease.

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// Exercise #3: Mood Survey
It’s normal to have mood swings, and you may even experience low moods a few times throughout the day, it’s just human nature.
But the good news is that most negative emotions fade away quickly and are replaced by other emotions. Sometimes, however, negative emotions can be stubborn and they don't seem to go away easily or come back soon after. You can get rid of them temporarily with the breathing exercises mentioned above, but it won’t be long before you start to feel wrong again. This indicates that there may be some hidden triggers at work that are triggering your negative emotions. The problem is that we often ignore these triggers. You may feel angry, anxious, or depressed for no apparent reason. You may also feel distressed for no apparent reason, or even burst into tears for no apparent reason. Not knowing why you feel so bad is a problem in itself because you don't know where the problem is coming from, who can help you, or what you can do to feel better. So many people may spend days, weeks, months, or even longer figuring out their own emotional issues. Remember, the emotional system is our internal alarm system, and our emotions are the alarm.Negative emotions don’t appear out of nowhere; their main function is to make you see the problem so you can respond positively to it. If the alarm goes off frequently, that means something is wrong somewhere. As the owner of the "house," it's your job to figure out what's wrong, why the alarm system was triggered, and then make the necessary changes. So if you repeatedly experience a negative emotion, such as anger, shame, guilt, anxiety, or sadness, it’s a sign that you need to take some time to investigate the triggers of that negative emotion. In other words, we should do some emotional research and figure out the reasons behind those lingering emotions, which is the only way to reverse them. Our emotions are determined by many factors, and sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint what they are. My advice is to start by paying attention to your own thoughts, as they are one of the main factors that influence our emotions. Pay attention to the thoughts that are going through your mind at this moment. If you do some serious self-reflection and examination, you might catch a thought that is triggering your emotional turmoil. For example, you wish your partner would help you take care of the kids more but she (or he) actually doesn’t; for example, you think you should blame yourself for the problems; for example, you think the worst is about to happen. If you’ve caught an unsettling thought, you can already deal with the intruder using the techniques we talked about earlier. We start by analyzing the accuracy of the idea, considering the evidence for and against it, questioning it, and then replacing it with a more just and realistic idea. If after all this you still can't understand why you haven't gotten rid of certain strong negative emotions, don't be discouraged. Getting to the root of these emotions is not easy. In this case I recommend that you seek help from a mental health professional so that you do not have to face your emotional difficulties alone. A good psychotherapist will put all the information together and find the cause of your negative emotions. This way you'll have a better understanding of these triggers, and you'll be able to discover them on your own over time.

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Origin blog.csdn.net/u012841352/article/details/132256544